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Tell Me No Lies, by Ellyn Bader Ph.D., Peter T. Pearson Ph.D., Judith D. Schwartz
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Lying-For Better or Worse
Everybody lies. Friends lie to friends. Children lie to their parents. Politicians lie to constituents. And, inevitably, husbands and wives lie to each other. Lies between lovers have tremendous potential to both nurture and destroy a relationship. It is easy to underestimate the power that lies-even seemingly harmless lies-can wield in your marriage. Tell Me No Lies explores the complexity of honesty versus deception in marriage and reveals the many reasons behind the lies we tell our partners (and ourselves).
Learn the four marital stages:
* The Honeymoon
* Emerging Differences
* Freedom
* Together as Two
Discover how to recognize how lying can lead to serious trouble at each stage. The signs include:
* The Dark Side of the Honeymoon, when couples refuse to acknowledge any problems
* The Stalemate, when couples fight and brutalize each other with exaggerated truths
* Freedom Unhinged, when independence outweighs togetherness and marital anarchy ensues.
Offering a new way of thinking about truth and deception, this book will help you understand the dynamics of your marriage in the context of the marital stages. If you can identify your marital stage, you can overcome the barriers to honesty and move on to a happier and more fulfilling marriage!
- Sales Rank: #141103 in Books
- Published on: 2001-12-14
- Released on: 2001-12-14
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .58" w x 6.00" l, .80 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 256 pages
About the Author
Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson are internationally recognized experts on couples therapy and cofounders and directors of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California. They maintain an active lecture and workshop schedule for couples and professionals, and they have appeared on a variety of radio talk shows. Bader served as President of the International Transactional Analysis Association; Pearson is a Consulting Associate Professor at Stanford University. They are also the authors of In Quest of the Mythical Mate, which received the Clark Vincent Award for its outstanding contribution to the field of marital therapy from The California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. They live in Menlo Park and have three daughters.
Judith D. Schwartz is a widely published writer with a specialty in psychology. The author of The Mother Puzzle, she lives in Bennington, Vermont with her husband, Tony Eprile, and their son, Brendan.
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Great Book
By JUAN
This a great book for people that have a really hard time with lying. I wish I could have read this book years ago and maybe I could have confronted alot more issue head on instead lying my way through life which created more lies. If you are a habitual liar this book is great to read or if you have hurt someone through lying.
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE - Ghandi
11 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Damn this book sucks
By Christopher dean
I'm the liar in this situation reading the book trying to get a better outlook on why I have gone out of my way it seems to hide the truth from my family and friends at times. There is a lot of great views from a variety of standpoints in this book. It has made me look at me and my faults in a way that doesn't make me feel like total crap about the pain i caused my family ( i feel like crap just the read doesn't press it ). If your getting lied to or lying reading this will help you understand how both sides can help make a change. Then it's all on wisdom and courage to actually change from there. I said in title this book sucks cause it was hard to look inside myself and without being defensive just accept this s*** was all my fault.
31 of 32 people found the following review helpful.
a primer for sharing the truth
By Elliott I. Alvarado
This is the book that I should have read years ago. Dr.s Bader and Pearson use a lively case study method. They introduce several couples and then draw you into their personal stories. You're hooked, you want to finish the book to see how each couple finally resolves their problem.
In addition, they distill years of experience into a well organized presentation about how truth and lying are seen and manipulated in marriage. Epiphanies exploded around me as I discovered how I had obstructed the truth and lied to my wife. Awareness also grew about how she had denied the truth to herself and how I had enabled her to do that.
By the time this review makes it online, my own marriage of 16 years will have ended in divorce. It's a sad thing, but in trying to make the best one can out of these kind of situations I have sent a copy of the book to my ex-wife. Hopefully, she will learn something too.
The book highlighted several ironies about truth; for example, it requires two people to tell a lie, and it requires two people to witness the truth (to say it and to hear it). One interesting and important point that the book addresses is when the truth should be shared. Generally, if the truth is going to be shared and if it will cause pain, then the person telling the truth must judge whether they are telling that truth just to hurt the other person. Or, and this is a very big IF, if they are ready to take responsibility and repair the damage. The former suggests that the truth not be shared, the latter does.
It's a lively, easy read. I found highlighting the most relevant sections to be very useful and easy to do. If you have a problem with truth in your relationship or want to prevent one, I would highly suggest this book. Buy two, one for you and your partner.
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